The fire inside: don’t put it out
True beauty is found in true identity and character—the closer I get to my true self, the more beautiful I become.
Whilst reflecting after a conflict situation, I realised I had attacked the other person’s character—that which makes them unique. If character is a fire, then I had poured water on it. It was an off-the-cuff reaction, but ultimately, I had chosen to pour water on it.
Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our happiness
~ Stephen Covey, The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People¹
Who am I?
Who am I? A question that echoes through the ages. I think a certain way, I do things a certain way. Some things are very important to me, and there are other things which I hardly even notice. These are necessarily different for everybody, so no wonder we conflict and disagree.
Who am I? On a deeper level: my character, my values, are glowing inside of me and they are able to burn passionately, under the right circumstances.
A model for becoming
If we were made to burn brightly, for such a time as this, what do we need? Character is only a part of it. To burn, a fire needs a convergence of three things—heat, oxygen and fuel.
- Heat: our character, glowing inside us
- Oxygen: the unseen, inspiration, ideas, musing & motivation
- Fuel: the seen, our actions
Vision
I believe we have a responsibility to recognise the fire in other people and honour and protect it. Who are they? What makes them beautiful and unique?
How often are identities and characters attacked and held in disregard?! My fire was quenched so often, it has taken me years to rediscover and rebuild it. It is an ongoing process: from lies to truth; darkness and shadows to light; confusion to understanding; rejection to acceptance…
And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, saying, „Far be it from you, Lord! This shall never happen to you.“ But he turned and said to Peter, „Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.“
~ Matthew 16:22-23, English Standard Version
Jesus had a clear vision of who he was. According to the above model, he was inspired and in action. Fortunately, he recognised the attempt to put out his fire and responded accordingly, in no uncertain terms, with his rebuke. Maybe we are not so clear, but with time and self-reflection, a picture can emerge of who we are, a vision with which we can live and work with. And this is our vision: to live beautiful lives and to work hard with our heads, our hearts and our hands.
¹ A quote attributed to Viktor Frankl, see here